Today I’ve been struggling a lot. My motivation is low and so is my self-esteem. And the first conversation I had for the day was about food.
There’s some background information on that last sentence which connects it to the rest.
I have an eating disorder. I doubt I’d be medically wrong if I called myself anorexic. But this isn’t something that came from body image issues. I loved my body. I don’t know who I am anymore when I look in the mirror. My clothes hang off me and I hate this shrinking skeleton I’ve become.
If I love food, and I loved my body at my biggest, why do I have an eating disorder?
Continue reading “My Body and Me: My Relationship With Food”
I was in an uncomfortable situation a few weeks ago, and every time I think about it, all of these hurt and upset feelings come up. I was in a group chat with my partner and his friends. This group chat is predominantly white; I was one of two people of colour in it. We … Continue reading Who Gets To Police Language?
Today I had planned to write a fun blog post about my gender. It was going to involve a photoshoot and outfit changes. I’m genderfluid, so I often find myself identifying along different parts of masculinity and femininity – often at the same time. I’ve coordinated my wardrobe, my hair, everything about how I present to allow for this constant shifting. But the more I thought about letting people in on that, the less I wanted to share.
Continue reading “Untangling Gender, Vulnerability, and Toxic Masculinity”
As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, I have been going through a pretty severe bout of depression lately. I had left a job that was financially stable but emotionally draining, and I had no real plan other than to try and write through it. This was obviously a terrible plan, and so when it inevitably … Continue reading Depression, Disconnect and Rediscovery
I didn’t intend on writing a review for World War Z when I started reading it. In fact, I didn’t intend on taking the book very seriously at all. World War Z was actually just an impulse purchase I had made months ago because it was in the dollar bins outside BMV. I only picked … Continue reading Review: World War Z by Max Brooks
I used to fantasize of the glamorous writing life: working from home, eyeballs deep in books and notes, odd hours and a steady stream of whiskey and coffee. And it’s not too far off from what I’m currently living. Except, instead of writing I just keep wavering.
That’s the only way I can describe it. Like describing the way my fingers hover over my keyboard before I slam my laptop closed.
When I used to write, it used to be for myself. It used to pour out of me, like I had a tap into some kind of story well. It was every fear, every wish, every guilty pleasure. Every story was me. It wasn’t a job or a chore. It used to be a way to make sense of my own head; it was a way to live all the lives I wanted to live.
Now when I go to write all that I can do is stare at a blank page. Continue reading “The “Adulting” Project: Navigating Between the Personal and the Professional”
I live in Toronto. Toronto has a bustling and queer community. Toronto is multi-cultural. I live in a bubble. Last night I went to sleep thinking about how I wish I went out to more queer events, that I was more a part of the community. Last night I wished I could just be gay … Continue reading Staring Outside the Bubble: Reflections on the Orlando Shooting